I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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