PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
