First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
