Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
