He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
