Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
