Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
