I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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