She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
