I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
