Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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