She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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