I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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