my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
