I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
