And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
