he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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