Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your cock deserves a montage
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
