I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
