My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
