Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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