This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
