Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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