I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
