I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
