It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
