Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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