I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
