There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
