I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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