My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
