Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
