if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
