Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
