HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
