I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
