Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
