Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
