She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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