I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
