She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He has the fingertips of a God
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