We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
