I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
