The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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