new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
