I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
