Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
