I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
