dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
