I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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