dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
