3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
