I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
