When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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